Why Keeping Up With the Joneses is a Devastating Motivator

A recent tragedy in our new-found community has my mind reeling.

A soccer mom named Julie Powers Schenecker shot and killed her 16 year old daughter, Calyx, and her 13 year old son, Beau, on January 27th. Her listed reason? She described her children as "mouthy" and was "fed up" with them talking back. She actually shot her son on the way to his soccer practice, stating that he "talked back" on the way to practice. She went home and then shot Calyx while she was doing her homework upstairs. She was found by police the following morning in her bathrobe, covered in her children's blood.

This sounds like a scene straight out of a horror movie. As I watched the footage of Mrs. Schenecker being escorted out of her home, I had so much pity for her. She was shaking uncontrollably, wild-eyed and disheveled, a far cry from who she was to the community. It's difficult to speculate what led up to something as horrific as this. Mrs. Schenecker obviously already had some underlying mental health issues. However, nothing has surfaced stating that she ever sought help for feelings of anger or violence toward her children. As is with a lot of cases, this seemingly came out of nowhere. An upper class military family, both kids involved in athletics with exceptional grades. Despite their mother describing them as "mouthy", teachers and coaches had nothing but good things to say about how well-mannered they were.
As many media outlets have described, when I searched Mrs. Schenecker's Facebook page, it appeared that there were no warning signs. Sure, there were occasional complaints about her children, such as a comment to someone about her daughter, Calyx, going to the DMV to get her learner's permit. She explained that Calyx said she didn't even want to drive if it meant she had to drive the family's Honda Odyssey. Mrs. Schenecker went on to say she couldn't imagine a child being a given car, then saying they didn't want it. She explained that her parents bought her a Chevy wagon for $300 that she had to drive back and forth to college, and she was grateful for it. Quite ironically, Mrs. Schenecker "liked" groups on Facebook titled "If you hurt my daughter, I will make your death look like an accident. :)" and "click 'like' if you love your son!".

Of course, one doesn't expect to see warning signs on Facebook pages, because people normally don't put half of their lives on Facebook.

But family friends also say they saw no warning signs. No indications. No explanations for how something like this could happen. They believe she simply "snapped." However, Mrs. Schenecker bought the gun five days before she killed her children, premeditating their murder.


"Happy Easter to all our friends and family! We are truly blessed..." she wrote last Easter.

It makes you shake your head in disbelief. "How do things like this happen?" is what I always ask myself. And why on earth, if she was experiencing these thoughts, did she not feel she had the freedom to seek help in getting through her emotions?

I can only speculate, as I said before. But I believe, as with so many other things, it came down to appearances. To my current knowledge, no one knew that Mrs. Schenecker was having thoughts of killing her children. Her mother only knew that she'd been feeling "depressed" lately, but no indications beside this. The family lived in a house they purchased for $448,000 in 2008. A gated, country-club community. Communities of pasted-on smiles which time and time again have proved house some of the most miserable families. Am I saying having a lot of money and high status in the community always indicates that a family has major issues? Of course not. But I believe in this case, it was a barrier for Mrs. Schenecker getting the help she needed. I can just see her comparing herself to other moms, probably feeling she was a failure as a mother for hating her children so much. She was even seen on a Facebook comment tearfully envying a mother for her double movie and pizza date with her young daughter. She tried to continue on in her motherly duties when instead she should have reached out and sought help immediately. It is shameful that she didn't feel she could talk to one person in her life about the truthful emotions she was experiencing.

What are we as society doing? We used to know our neighbors past the occasional "hello." We're too busy seeking our own plans for our lives that we don't look around and see how we can help someone else accomplish their plans. I'm reminded of a news story I saw in which a man was BEATEN TO DEATH in front of people, and not one person helped him. Earlier this week, we had lunch with someone from our church, and when the waitress asked me how I was doing, I said "Fine, how are you doing?" while looking her in the eye and smiling. She actually seemed taken back by this. She said "fine, thank you for asking!" She seemed surprised I cared to ask. What is happening that we can't even have a ten second, meaningful greeting with someone who is serving us our food?! Why can't we do MORE than this?!

I remember the movie Pay It Forward. It's been forever since I've seen it, but I remember the general idea of it. I thought "THAT is what I've been missing in this life. I want to do THAT." And THAT is a picture of Jesus: LOOKING for ways to serve others; not just waiting when an opportunity conveniently falls into our lap. Actually seeking out need. If we seek out need in our community, believe me, it will only take a couple of blocks to find it.

I watched an episode on Oprah this week about wounded soldiers. Try to forget I was watching Oprah (ha), and listen to the following: do you realize that, aside from the initial homecoming, most wounded soldiers don't receive follow-up care from anyone beside their immediate family? No outside help. Most families have to sell all they own to help care for their wounded relatives. While I know I personally can't completely take care of all the needs, it's not that hard for me to cook up some meals to take to the family so that's one less thing they have to worry about. Or to ask if once a week, may I take care of any errands the family needs? You may react to this as "Well, that would be great if I knew anyone that had a wounded soldier in their family." But I believe that's the point! To find someone you don't know well, go to them, and say "What can I do to help?" Then, there's no motivation except that you simply want to help them.

Even if it's as simple as noticing someone in your neighborhood that has several kids, and cooking a casserole and bringing it to them one night. I know that sounds so cliche, and yes, people may look at you strangely, but if you cultivate that relationship, then the people will begin to know and trust you as a person that's genuinely nice. This is the first door that can be opened for sharing Christ! It's so simple!

My personal challenge to myself is I want to get involved in helping wounded soldiers. Most of the time, the paper will announce when wounded soldiers are coming to your community. I did a google "wounded soldiers in tampa" and found at least one family with contacts that I want to bless. I am going to get in touch with the family via the mother's blog (she is blogging about her son's story) and ask what I can do to help. Even if I hadn't found the blog, I probably would've looked up the family in the phone book, or looked around further. I will definitely update you all concerning this!

My challenge to you this week is: start looking for need in your community. I promise, you will find something, even if it's on a "small" scale (but big in God's eyes) that you can do. I remember this cheesy Hallmark commercial that would always make me cry. It was when a middle-aged woman next door left a card in an elderly woman's mailbox. She had noticed the elderly woman checked her mail every day, but never received anything. So the woman across the street left a simple card, letting the woman know she was loved. The middle-aged woman's son brought a mason jar of soup over to his mom the next day, and said "The lady across the street told me to give this to you. I think she was crying." How beautiful. If we would only open our eyes and actually look around when we're out and about, really seeing people...God would speak to our hearts. He will tell us what to do.

The difference between wishing and believing

Our pastor in Thailand, Pastor Nathan Gonmei at Abundant Grace Church*, fed us so well while we were in Chiang Mai. His messages were specifically focused toward increasing our faith. This was definitely something I needed and continue to need daily. One thing he said has remained with me.

"The difference between wishing and believing is faith.
Wishing is hoping for something.
Believing is expecting you're going to receive it."

This statement has changed my outlook on so many things. God calls us to believe we will receive what we ask for (Matthew 21:22, Mark 11:24).

God promises to reward those who have faith, believing and diligently seeking Him (Hebrews 11:6).

God promises that the power of our faith more than a mustard seed can move mountains (Matthew 17:20)

Even though sometimes we can't see what we believe for, we must continue to believe for it (Hebrews 11:1)

God promises to make our faith stronger through trials that bring about steadfastness, patience, and endurance (James 1:3, 1 Peter 1:7).

If we are just, we should live by faith (Romans 1:17).

***
My faith walk continues to be strengthened every day. My biggest obstacles are my feelings.

God allows us to have feelings, of course. But letting those feelings rule over what God has promised to us is not the way to live by faith. It's not the way to believe. So, when I start to feel a certain way about something, I have to immediately rein in those feelings and submit them to God. Otherwise, my feelings become what I believe, and for me to trust my feelings as truth is extremely dangerous, not to mention completely inaccurate. There are entire Psalms where David is questioning whether God will protect Him, and he had a pretty darn good excuse to feel that way. But He trusted the Lord based on what the Lord had promised to Him before the hard times.

To help keep myself focused, I have come up with a short list of things I am believing for. I am asking for your agreement in these things for me (Matthew 18:19).

1) A continued strong relationship with God, fruitful and contagious :)

2) To conceive in the year 2011. We have been trying for 2 years. This is the area that I am both weakest and strongest in. It is the area I've worked the hardest in building my faith and belief, but succumbing to my emotions can easily make that foundation crumble.

3) To NOT financially struggle this year. We have several financial needs, including paying off school debt, obtaining health insurance and paying that monthly, and having enough left over to also contribute to my mother's household. She is struggling as well, and we want to be a blessing to her as she lets us stay with her. The long-term goal is to of course have enough income to support ourselves for international mission work.

4) To end the year healthier than I began. I plan to work at becoming more active and losing more weight. I lost about 8 pounds while in Thailand. My realistic goal is 10-15 more pounds.

5) To simply enjoy life, while always looking for ways to share Christ. So many times, we become focused in our own lives, forgetting the turmoil going on all around us. Living a missionary life forces you to become more others-minded. I loved it. I don't want that to fade. I want to grow it. If you need anything, PLEASE let me know! I need plenty of practice!

6) To strengthen my gift of intercessory prayer. God laid it on my heart that I had this gift about four years ago. I began exercising this overseas, and it was Spirit-breathed. I don't want to lose this spiritual gift that my Father has blessed me with. It's too special not to use. If you have any prayer requests, please send them my way!


I BELIEVE that I will receive these six things!

What are you believing for? I want to be a partner in agreement with you!




*when you have a day that you can sit and listen to a longer message (since all of the messages are also translated into Thai) I encourage you to PLEASE listen to some of Pastor Nathan's sermons. I PROMISE, you won't regret it. His Biblical teaching was a rock for me during our time overseas.

Testing the waters

Since returning to the states on January 6th, 2011, my life has been a whirlwind of trial and error.

Trial - Wondering if thinking back to Thailand too much will cause me to not adjust well to the U.S.

Error - Since this is the case, I honestly haven't been able to bring myself to think of Thailand too much these days. It just hurts my heart right now. I'm hoping that one day soon this will pass, because I love experiencing my memories from Thailand. I can revisit bits and pieces of my journey there, but dwelling brings sadness and longing.

Trial - Believing that we would get professional jobs fairly easily as soon as we got back to the states.

Error - This was definitely not true. But I will joyfully work full time at Cracker Barrel if this is God's plan. (interview there tomorrow!)

Trial - I will get things done if I don't set a schedule for myself

Error - This is so not true. I need discipline, and a schedule. I MUST live with purpose.

Trial - Being overseas helped me become more outgoing, therefore it's easier for me to make friends than before.

Error - While part of this is true, no matter how many friends I make, they won't 100% relate to me because they weren't there with me for those four months. This is the elephant in the room, and I don't know how to verbalize my journey very well.

Trial - Believing I could somehow become content in any situation since I went through so much in Asia.

Error - Mostly true, although I did subconsciously resolve to dislike Florida when I first got here. It's growing on me, though. The 70 + degree weather in January is helping some :) I think because it reminds me of Asia.

I didn't expect to just go back to the way things were. Besides the fact that I'm living in a state I've never lived in before, there's the obvious factor of adapting to a different culture. I have Asian blood in me now.

Having images like this in my head and in my heart will never let me be the same.