Why Keeping Up With the Joneses is a Devastating Motivator

A recent tragedy in our new-found community has my mind reeling.

A soccer mom named Julie Powers Schenecker shot and killed her 16 year old daughter, Calyx, and her 13 year old son, Beau, on January 27th. Her listed reason? She described her children as "mouthy" and was "fed up" with them talking back. She actually shot her son on the way to his soccer practice, stating that he "talked back" on the way to practice. She went home and then shot Calyx while she was doing her homework upstairs. She was found by police the following morning in her bathrobe, covered in her children's blood.

This sounds like a scene straight out of a horror movie. As I watched the footage of Mrs. Schenecker being escorted out of her home, I had so much pity for her. She was shaking uncontrollably, wild-eyed and disheveled, a far cry from who she was to the community. It's difficult to speculate what led up to something as horrific as this. Mrs. Schenecker obviously already had some underlying mental health issues. However, nothing has surfaced stating that she ever sought help for feelings of anger or violence toward her children. As is with a lot of cases, this seemingly came out of nowhere. An upper class military family, both kids involved in athletics with exceptional grades. Despite their mother describing them as "mouthy", teachers and coaches had nothing but good things to say about how well-mannered they were.
As many media outlets have described, when I searched Mrs. Schenecker's Facebook page, it appeared that there were no warning signs. Sure, there were occasional complaints about her children, such as a comment to someone about her daughter, Calyx, going to the DMV to get her learner's permit. She explained that Calyx said she didn't even want to drive if it meant she had to drive the family's Honda Odyssey. Mrs. Schenecker went on to say she couldn't imagine a child being a given car, then saying they didn't want it. She explained that her parents bought her a Chevy wagon for $300 that she had to drive back and forth to college, and she was grateful for it. Quite ironically, Mrs. Schenecker "liked" groups on Facebook titled "If you hurt my daughter, I will make your death look like an accident. :)" and "click 'like' if you love your son!".

Of course, one doesn't expect to see warning signs on Facebook pages, because people normally don't put half of their lives on Facebook.

But family friends also say they saw no warning signs. No indications. No explanations for how something like this could happen. They believe she simply "snapped." However, Mrs. Schenecker bought the gun five days before she killed her children, premeditating their murder.


"Happy Easter to all our friends and family! We are truly blessed..." she wrote last Easter.

It makes you shake your head in disbelief. "How do things like this happen?" is what I always ask myself. And why on earth, if she was experiencing these thoughts, did she not feel she had the freedom to seek help in getting through her emotions?

I can only speculate, as I said before. But I believe, as with so many other things, it came down to appearances. To my current knowledge, no one knew that Mrs. Schenecker was having thoughts of killing her children. Her mother only knew that she'd been feeling "depressed" lately, but no indications beside this. The family lived in a house they purchased for $448,000 in 2008. A gated, country-club community. Communities of pasted-on smiles which time and time again have proved house some of the most miserable families. Am I saying having a lot of money and high status in the community always indicates that a family has major issues? Of course not. But I believe in this case, it was a barrier for Mrs. Schenecker getting the help she needed. I can just see her comparing herself to other moms, probably feeling she was a failure as a mother for hating her children so much. She was even seen on a Facebook comment tearfully envying a mother for her double movie and pizza date with her young daughter. She tried to continue on in her motherly duties when instead she should have reached out and sought help immediately. It is shameful that she didn't feel she could talk to one person in her life about the truthful emotions she was experiencing.

What are we as society doing? We used to know our neighbors past the occasional "hello." We're too busy seeking our own plans for our lives that we don't look around and see how we can help someone else accomplish their plans. I'm reminded of a news story I saw in which a man was BEATEN TO DEATH in front of people, and not one person helped him. Earlier this week, we had lunch with someone from our church, and when the waitress asked me how I was doing, I said "Fine, how are you doing?" while looking her in the eye and smiling. She actually seemed taken back by this. She said "fine, thank you for asking!" She seemed surprised I cared to ask. What is happening that we can't even have a ten second, meaningful greeting with someone who is serving us our food?! Why can't we do MORE than this?!

I remember the movie Pay It Forward. It's been forever since I've seen it, but I remember the general idea of it. I thought "THAT is what I've been missing in this life. I want to do THAT." And THAT is a picture of Jesus: LOOKING for ways to serve others; not just waiting when an opportunity conveniently falls into our lap. Actually seeking out need. If we seek out need in our community, believe me, it will only take a couple of blocks to find it.

I watched an episode on Oprah this week about wounded soldiers. Try to forget I was watching Oprah (ha), and listen to the following: do you realize that, aside from the initial homecoming, most wounded soldiers don't receive follow-up care from anyone beside their immediate family? No outside help. Most families have to sell all they own to help care for their wounded relatives. While I know I personally can't completely take care of all the needs, it's not that hard for me to cook up some meals to take to the family so that's one less thing they have to worry about. Or to ask if once a week, may I take care of any errands the family needs? You may react to this as "Well, that would be great if I knew anyone that had a wounded soldier in their family." But I believe that's the point! To find someone you don't know well, go to them, and say "What can I do to help?" Then, there's no motivation except that you simply want to help them.

Even if it's as simple as noticing someone in your neighborhood that has several kids, and cooking a casserole and bringing it to them one night. I know that sounds so cliche, and yes, people may look at you strangely, but if you cultivate that relationship, then the people will begin to know and trust you as a person that's genuinely nice. This is the first door that can be opened for sharing Christ! It's so simple!

My personal challenge to myself is I want to get involved in helping wounded soldiers. Most of the time, the paper will announce when wounded soldiers are coming to your community. I did a google "wounded soldiers in tampa" and found at least one family with contacts that I want to bless. I am going to get in touch with the family via the mother's blog (she is blogging about her son's story) and ask what I can do to help. Even if I hadn't found the blog, I probably would've looked up the family in the phone book, or looked around further. I will definitely update you all concerning this!

My challenge to you this week is: start looking for need in your community. I promise, you will find something, even if it's on a "small" scale (but big in God's eyes) that you can do. I remember this cheesy Hallmark commercial that would always make me cry. It was when a middle-aged woman next door left a card in an elderly woman's mailbox. She had noticed the elderly woman checked her mail every day, but never received anything. So the woman across the street left a simple card, letting the woman know she was loved. The middle-aged woman's son brought a mason jar of soup over to his mom the next day, and said "The lady across the street told me to give this to you. I think she was crying." How beautiful. If we would only open our eyes and actually look around when we're out and about, really seeing people...God would speak to our hearts. He will tell us what to do.